Cyberdating Lie Detecting
|
Did you know that Online Dating is the top moneymaker on the Web? Chances are good that if you are single, you have joined a site or two yourself. If so, you've probably asked my CyberRomance clients' top question too:
"How can I tell if they are lying?" Lot's of ways! Here goes:
First off, much of "the problem" of Internet lying is media over hype. What kind of interest would there be in a story about all the honest people who are on the Net?
But of course some people do lie, and being concerned about who is and who isn't lying makes a heck of a lot of sense.
Reasons people lie:
- To avoid conflict.
- To avoid the consequences of their behavior.
- To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.
- To hide something they did or did not do.
- To avoid rejection.
- To be in control of a situation.
- To avoid being embarrassed.
- To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are.
All make terrific reasons for people to lie online.
How to detect lying:
A truthful person will be "congruent." That means that all the information they give out -- their words, body language, they way they live and dress, everything -- fits together and contains no contradictions. People who lie will be incongruent in some way.
Here's what to watch out for:
1. How they use words: written, on the phone, or in person --
- Talking faster or slower.
- Changes in voice pitch.
- Taking charge of conversation, attempts to distract you.
- Continual denying of accusations.
- Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
- Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know."
- Lack of use of contractions.
- Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.
- Being extremely defensive.
- Saying "Trust me."
2. How they behave or the attitudes they exhibit:
- Being hesitant.
- Nervous laughter.
- Smugness.
- Uncommon calmness.
- Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.
- Inconsistencies in what is being shared.
3. In-person behavior clues:
- Touching chin, covering the mouth, or rubbing brows.
- Crossed arms or legs.
- Pupils narrow.
- Playing with hair.
- Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.
- Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you or down, or turning away from you while they are talking.
- Rigid or fidgeting.
- Slouching posture.
- Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
- Partial shrug.
- Lack of finger pointing.
- May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
- Sweating, even if it isn't a warm day.
- Saying "no" several times.
4. Your own inner cues:
- You sense something is not right.
- Explanations do not feel enough for you.
- You feel confused, you find yourself squinting or angling your head.
- You feel a block or a wall between you and the other.
In Internet dating, or any kind of dating for that matter, keep your anxiety down, your head attached, and LISTEN to everything your date tells you in every way. People tell you about themselves constantly, from the very first second of contact. You have to be willing to hear it. Not only do they tell you by what they do say, they tell you by what they don't say.
Many of these cues can come from simple distraction or nervousness, not deceit. New daters have plenty of reasons to be anxious. Signs of lying differ from one person to another. Don't let your own nervousness force a jump to wrong conclusions. Give your date a break and take some time.
Often, Cyber daters move too quickly to the phone and/or a face to face meeting. Gone is the golden opportunity to safely ask questions and study answers slowly and over time. Vastly increased are tension and anxiety, which complicate clear thinking and judgment.
With online dating, you have a tremendous advantage over meeting immediately flesh-to-flesh: You have a written record of what the other tells you. Make use of it! Take your time and get to know your potential Sweetheart the old-fashioned way -- through writing!
About The Author
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*
Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html
www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com
|
|
|
Dress For Dating Success: Clothes To Attract The Man Of Your Dreams
In order to attract the man of your dreams, it helps to dress in a way that honors your beautiful body. When I use the word "honor," I don't mean you should dress like a nun or hide yourself in an ankle-length skirt and a turtleneck.But you should wear only clothes that make the best of your unique shape. Too many fleshy women (and there are lots of men who prefer robust females over skimpier lasses) are currently wandering the planet in low-rise jeans and tank tops, which results in a phenomenon known as "muffin top." In other words, they're walking around with a wedge of flab over their waistbands. Not a good look.Before you hop on whatever trend they're pushing in InStyle magazine, ask yourself if the look works for you and your beautiful body. I once read an interv...(related: Dating)
Why Do So Many People Date Online?
Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort, a joke of sorts for singles. Today, that is no longer the case. Millions of singles are now looking online for relationships. The reasons behind this new trend in dating are numerous.Money Never Has and Never Will Grow on Trees....(related: Dating)
Use This Rule To Survive A Loss
The intent of this article was to ease any trauma caused by break ups or permanent separations between two persons.I strongly believe that almost any person must have encountered the feeling of loss when being told by the other person that a best option for both was breaking up for unknown or absurd reasons.The reaction is painful. You feel the emptyness phisically although this is impossible in theory.Every word is useless or annoying. You hate other persons around you because you can't stand the humiliation.Th...(related: Dating)
Mike?s Dating Story
(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed."Coach," he said. "I need to get out of my relationship."Mike is 38 years old and a successful screenwriter. Mike was also perpetually single with a long history of failed relationships. His situation is typical: he wasn't necessary afraid of something long-term, he just could never find "the One". Mike could never stay in a romantic situation for long before moving to something new.Today's session was no different. Once again he found himself feeling stuck with someone he didn't want to be with. He told me his story."I met Lexy about a year ago. I was at a...(related: Dating)
Dating Personals! Find Out How To Write A Knockout Personal Ad
If you're about to leap into dating personals and don't know how to begin to write that knockout dating personal ad, then read further on for some simple steps that will help develop a strategy to create a dating profile that works. Keep in mind this information is based on my personal opinions, and are not taken f...(related: Dating)
The Truth About Women Revealed
Have you ever imagined what it would be like to read a woman's to mind - especially a woman you want to get into your bed? How about just being able to fake it enough that she thinks you can read her mind?Here are some powerful clues that can tell you if she is interested in you and the type of things she might be interested in in bed.1) Is she biting her lower lip or li...(related: Dating)
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places?
You've hung out in bars, you've answered the personals, you've maxed out the plastic trolling online dating sites, and you still...(related: Dating)
Online Dating Tips - Five Steps To Creating Your Profile
Creating your online dating profile is an aspect often commonly overlooked by online daters. You sign up for a dating service, forget about it, no-one contacts you and you give up. Why? You have not marketed yourself properly - so many daters fail even to post a picture!Imagine if you are going out for a night out on the town ? you make a...(related: Dating)
Youve Been Dumped! Heres How To Get Over It
We've all been there. We've fallen in love with somebody who just didn't love us back. We've heard a variety of exit lines: "I think it's time we started seeing other people," "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," or "It's not you. It's me."It's hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages, but it's even worse when they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesn't help when they send an email every so often to see how you're doing, either.Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself t...(related: Dating)
Unlock Your Inner Diva For Dating Success
There's something sexy about a powerful, take-charge woman who knows what she wants and how to get it! To be an intriguing and sexy Decisive Diva you must develop within yourself the Three E's of Feminine Power: Erotic Power, Economic Power and Emotional Power. Learn how to unlock your own Inner Diva and power date your way to a great relationship.Erotic Power means you constantly draw from the limitless reservoir of self-respect, serenity and sensuousness at your core. When you get this down you have a mysterious, self-contained air about you that's irresistible to men. They open doors for you and treat you like a queen or a goddess.It has nothing to do with your size or ...(related: Dating)
The Language And Meaning Of Flowers
Sweet flowers alone can say what passion fears revealing
Thomas Hood poem, The Language of FlowersFlowers and bouquets of flowers have a meaning of their own. Most of us know that a dozen red roses means, "Be mine." But did you know, for example, that a primrose means, "I can't live without yo...(related: Dating)
Love Could Be An Errand Away
You have signed up on several large dating sites and posted a great profile. So far, you've had some nice responses, but these haven't led to a meeting yet. Someone told you about a singles group at your church and there is an organization in your city for singles who want to volunteer, and hopefully meet other like-minded people. You've lost count of all the parties, happy hours and clubs you've been t...(related: Dating)
If You Want A Date, Promote Yourself!
How to find a date? Promote yourself! That's one of the key you should consider. It sounds too planned, too contrived, right? You probably wonder whereas the romance; where are all the rainbows, fireworks and stars?Probably that is what you have in mind when advised to put on a personal ad in different kind of publications. Well, that's one way to meet people. In order to meet the man or woman of your dreams, you're going to have to have a lot of people to choose from. If you want to win the lottery, you don't just buy one ticket.True?Dating can be great fun. But can also be a really stressful experience if you are unprepared.Tips to Promote