Coming Out... As An Internet Dater
|
A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a casual acquaintance. As we were chatting, she mentioned her new boyfriend, Adam. "Oh," I asked. "How did you two meet?" She looked around and said, "Well, I guess I can tell you. I mean, he tells everyone." And then she lowered her voice slightly, "We met online."
Now, to me, the phrase, we met online is not one that warrants a lowered voice and furtive glance around the room before being uttered. But, apparently admitting to meeting over the internet has not quite become the stuff of polite conversation. In reality, this shouldn't be that surprising. There are some long-standing stigmas attached to this type of coupling; often holdovers from the days of newspaper personal ads and video dating services.
My first encounter with personal ad dating came when I was a teenager. I was at an older cousin's wedding. At one point during the reception, my mother whispered to me, "You know, they met through the personal ads." Forgetting my whereabouts I loudly repeated, "The personals?" only to get a sound motherly shushing. But, I was confused. My cousin didn't seem desperate. Or weird for that matter. Weren't those the types of people who did this? Now, granted I was a teenager and not fully versed in the ways of the world, but I would hazard a guess that I wasn't the only one under the impression that only desperate divorcees and perverted polygamists would place an ad looking for a date. Of course, it was more likely than not the daters in question were simply busy people with specific needs and interests whose social lives had not yet presented them with an appropriate match. Just like internet daters today.
Now that internet dating has been going strong for nearly a decade, people are coming around to the idea that there is no more shame in meeting someone online that there is in meeting someone through a friend, at a bar or over the office water cooler. My friend Andy and his live-in-love met on an internet dating site a few years ago. However, this wasn't initially what they told people, instead concocting a tale about meeting in a park on their way to work. Eventually, the happy couple felt silly perpetuating the fabricated story and outed themselves to friends and family. Not surprisingly, the only negative reactions came from people who didn't understand why they had invented the park fable in the first place. Still, as Andy says, "In the beginning we felt a little pathetic, like we had to go online to get a date. And, I know Jen was worried that people would think we had just been looking for a hook up. But, we got over that pretty quick!"
Many internet daters see these qualms as being decidedly out of touch. Twenty-seven year-old Ilana explains, "I have no problem telling people I'm doing Internet dating because everyone's doing it. I think the fact the people do everything on the Internet makes it seem totally natural. You do all your communication on the internet. All your research on the Internet. Make all your plans on the Internet, so why not find someone to date on the internet?"
Why not indeed? There's plenty of stuff out there to feel legitimately embarrassed about, an addiction to reality television and our love of Les Miserables for example.
Online dating doesn't need to be added to that list. Who knows, in a few years, the idea of going out with someone without first being able to check his or her profile might seem positively passé.
Ellen Friedrichs is a dating advisor for MetroChai. To read more articles and tips visit our blog at http://nydating.blogspot.com/
For free online dating visit http://www.metrochai.com
|
|
|
So, How Big Is Your Penis?
As a result of dating for decades and chatting with many singles of both sexes, I've gathered some interesting and helpful insights about men and women. Here are a few:The Age Thing.New millennium or not, it's still dicy for a guy to ask a woman her age, especially after just meeting, and especially if she's over 35. When dating websites feature 60-year old geezers who won't look at a woman over 39, it's not surpising why some single women are a...(related: Dating)
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places?
You've hung out in bars, you've answered the personals, you've maxed out the plastic trolling online dating sites, and you still...(related: Dating)
Use Dating To Your Benefit
The easy way to date is really by empowering yourself. This unconventional approach is based on the reality that when we grow and expand, our dating also grows and expands.The book The Joy Of Dating Again: 21 Self-Empowering Keys, will guide you through the keys for self-empowerment. Using the 21 keys, you will get the tools to move into a "new life," stretching your old limits and breaking the barriers of what is possible for you. In addition, you will develop the tools to attract a partner that is really suitable for you; the "new you."To create the joy of dating again, you need to take action to make it happen. Some of you wish there was some kind of service where you call and they deliver the date of your dreams, with no effort on your part; or maybe, you wish you could fas...(related: Dating)
How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch
So at last you're sick and tired of the bar scene, and now you want to find a dating web site that's right for you, but you don't know where to begin! No worries let us take you through a few options available and see what dating site will fit your plans!Now the first step you may want to do, is write down on a piece of paper the key...(related: Dating)
Dating On The Internet Is Growing! See How Online Dating Can Help You Find Available Singles Today
Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year, because it has become very difficult for most people to meet quality singles in their local communities and find compatible matches!When it comes to meeting new people, we tend to create an urgency, and we put a large amount of stress on ourselves to unite with someone quickly, without...(related: Dating)
Tips For Creating A Successful Personal Online Dating Profile
Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match at online dating and personals services so it's surprising that many profiles are mediocre at best. Wit...(related: Dating)
Inexpensive Dating Ideas
Dating and saving money. For many, the two concepts don't equate. There's an automatic reaction for most when suggesting the two together that the person paying is trying to be "cheap" and the resulting date will naturally have the same feel. Contrary to popular belief, however, dating doesn't have to be expensive to be fun, entertaining and memorable. It doesn't even have to take a whole lot of extra preparation time. What it does take is a little imagination and breaking from the typical date routine. You have to be willing to think beyond dinner and a movie and be willing to try something new for a change. Here are 15 inexpensive dating ideas: 10 for anyone plus 5 for the adventurous.Natural Scenery: The beauty of nature is all around us and it doesn't co...(related: Dating)
Dating Tool: Confidence 101
I'm over it. "There's plenty of fish in the sea," they say. Well, apparently I have been using the wrong bait. Nobody said dating would be easy, but Hollywood sure likes to paint it that way, doesn't it? "There's someone for everyone," they say. Maybe that ought to translate to, "There's someone for everyone?.as long as you're a muscled pretty boy with washboard abs, and at least 6 feet tall."So how does one get by this unsettling dating stipulation? Are we actually to believe that ...(related: Dating)
The Final Solution To Dating
I run a blog where I discuss the topic of the many games people play in the dating arena. I've posted hundreds of articles, many of which point out many of these troubles. Even if you haven't read the blog, you probably are aware of some of these schemes. While I wish it were easy to sum everything up into one neat, overlying problem, it's not that simple. Let me point out just a few of the issues.For one, there's a definite lack of respect in dating nowadays. People don't even care about their partners enough to treat them as they ...(related: Dating)
8 Things That Maketh Not The Lady
1. Tattoos.Tattoos used to be the colouring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started taking them up....(related: Dating)
Finding Your Dream Date Sometimes Takes Guts!
My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE would often take dog for a walk last night to get her and us exercise. If you've ever lived in NYC, you know there is never any way to know what excitement that you will wander upon. This particular night, we heard some deep gospel sounds coming from a park near Lincoln Center so we wandered over to check out the event.As we stood in the back with the other dog owners, a gray terrier and another brown dog came over to greet our dog Mallory. In New York, people always ask what the name of the dog is, but rarely take the time to meet and greet the person. Meanwhile, the owners politely wait as the dogs check each other out, and usually move on. This time however, the owner of the terrier, struck up a conversation with us. He told us that his other dog passed away over a month a...(related: Dating)
Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-verbal Language Of Dating
We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it.But do you really KNOW how to interpret the non-verbal messages that other people broadcast on a continual basis in their interactions with you?There are two l...(related: Dating)
7 Habits Of Highly Successful Dating
1) Don't look at other womenWhile dating, focus your attention on your date and make her feel...(related: Dating)